you never get used to it, you just get through it

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A new experience

Sorry I havent written in awhile guys, I've been pretty busy! I recently moved away to school! Exciting! I am now living at Salisbury University. However, the campus is pretty dead at the moment. I moved to school 3 days early because I am cheering! In 2 more days i'll get to meet all the friends I made on facebook, and meet everyone in my dorm.

But im super exhausted from cheer camp today. Hope you enjoyed the update. Btw Daren is doing pretty well :)

Sunday, August 15, 2010


I need everyone's help. Daren recently lost a good friend due to this stupid situation we call a war. His name was Paul Cazzupe II. I know Paul's family could use some thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Also, here's the link for his facebook memorial page. You may not have known Paul, but it'd be nice for everyone to leave a nice thought. RIP Paul Cazzupe II Also, send some thoughts and prayers out to Daren. He's having a hard time dealing with this and I know he would appreciate the support.


Monday, July 26, 2010

Answered prayers

I had an interesting evening the other night. I know all of us have had those moments, where in our soul we feel as though something has gone wrong. Well, that's how I was feeling the other night. Even though in my head I knew nothing was wrong and that everything was going to be fine, I had a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat.

I layed in bed for about an hour or so, wondering if he was okay. I hate being helpless. It's one of my least favorite feelings in the entire world. I better get used to it; i've been nothing but helpless since this deployment started. Not to mention, when you're in a shitty mood, it forces you to think about all the shittyness in your life.

I was basically on the verge of tears, when something amazing happened. God answered my prayers. I get a phone call from him at 1:30 in the morning. AHHHHHH. It's one of those moments that truly makes you feel as though God is listening and looking out for you. I had this cheesy ass grin on my face the entire conversation.

Daren's one of those guys who can make me laugh without even trying. He's the kind of guy who knows exactly what to say to make me smile and to make me happy. He's slightly insecure in a good way; in the way that makes me know he's scared to lose me. He likes to be reminded that I love him, and that I'm his forever. He's just humble enough that it makes you appreciate it. Most of all, he's the most amazing man I could have ever asked God for. He's the man of my dreams. No he's not prince charming, but who the fuck need's prince charming when you can have a soldier.

When we hung up the phone, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I was finally able to get some sleep; and I dreamt of the amazing life I have to look forward to with him.

I love you. Always and forever. Always.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Day 3,4,5 and 6 - parents, sibling, dreams, a stranger

Day 3 - Parents
Dear mom and dad,
i love you! you are amazing parents! i know i dont tell you enough how much i love you, and i know i dont tell you enough how grateful i am, but IM VERY! you guys are great and have given me so many things in my life! you have supported me through everything, and encouraged me in cheerleading. i could ask for better parents, and i am so thankful you guys are mine!

Day 4 - Sibling
Dear jeremy,
we're brother and sister, we fought lol, but you've been a great brother. i know i could count on you if i ever needed you. thank you.

Day 5 - Dreams
Dear dreams,
i have a lot of dreams. many dreams i know will never come true, but also many dreams that i know will come true. i dream about him everyday, and everynight when i am asleep. those are my favorite dreams<3

Day 6 - A Stranger
Dear Stranger,
im silly, stupid, crazy, in love, shy, outgoing, talkative, chipper, happy, sad and full of many other contradictions. and i am perfectly content being that way. my best friend is my boyfriend, and i love him more than words could explain. he's amazing<3

Gotten through almost a month of this deployement :) wow, time is actually flying. can't wait for him to be home!

first afghan picture! love you baby!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Day 2 - Letter to my crush... aka Daren :)

Dear baby/booboo/darebear/honey/sweetie/love of my life,

There are no possible words to express the way that i feel about you. You tell me all the time that I deserve someone way better than you, and I laugh at how humble you are. You are the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life, and I thank god every day for bringing you into my life. I've never met anyone who I can be so comfortable and carefree around. You bring me out of my shell, and most of all you love me.

If I sat down and told you everything I love about you, it would take me the rest of my life to get to the end of that list. But here's a good start, your eyes, your smile, your dimples, your head after its been shaved, your hand intertwined in mine, your kisses, when you give me raspberries, the way you attempt to give me a hickey, that doesnt usually work out ;), the way you look in your ACU's, the way you twitch when you're starting to fall asleep, your hornyness, the way you tackle me on my bed, but most of all, the way you love me.

"This isn't the life I chose. But I'd never give it up." Even though I have my days when I want to kill someone, the days when I miss you so much I could sit on my bed for hours and do nothing but cry, the days where I would rather die than go another minute without you by my side, I love this life and everything it brings. I cannot wait for the day I see you get down on one knee and ask me for my hand in marriage. I cannot wait to spend every day of the rest of my life wrapped up in your arms. I cannot wait to have our 4 beautiful children :).

I love you with all my heart and soul. Always and forever. Always<3
Amber Leigh

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Day 1 - Letter to my best friend

No names will be placed in these post's. Go ahead and guess if you like.

Dear best friend,
We've been through a lot, especially lately. Our relationship has kind of gone down hill lately, and I'm not sure our friendship is going to make it through the fire. You helped me to open up about my problems, and convinced me to tell someone, someone that could actually help me through my depression. I entrusted in you, my deepest, darkest, most painful secrets, and you loved me anyways. I'm sure you have no idea that I have cried more times than I could probably remember over our friendship. I've always been the friend to put in the effort to make plans. I'm the one who always starts the conversations. And in the end, I'm the one who is hurt over never seeing each other, and never talking. I would go to the ends of the earth to be there for you, and yet I don't feel that I would get the same support in return. I understand that we move on in life, and people drift apart, but this is a friendship that breaks my heart to see dissolve. However, I am a fond believer in the saying, "don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened". You'll always be my best friend based on the fact that I love you, and you know the secrets of my life, that just about no one else knows. However, I can't keep hurting myself over someone who doesn't come around.


Saw this on another blog and it looked like a fun thing to do, so here goes...

On this day you write a letter to:
Day 1) Your best friend
Day 2) Your crush
Day 3) Your parents
Day 4) Your siblings
Day 5) Your dreams
Day 6) A stranger
Day 7) Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8) Your favorite internet friend
Day 9) Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10) Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like
Day 11) A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12) The person you hate most/has caused you a lot of pain
Day 13) Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14) Someone you've drifted away from
Day 15) The person you miss the most
Day 16) Someone that's not in your state/country
Day 17) Someone from your childhood
Day 18) The person that you wish you could be
Day 19) Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad
Day 20) The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21) Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22) Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23) The last person you kissed
Day 24) The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25) The person that you now who is going through the worst of times
Day 26) The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27) The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28) Someone that changed your life
Day 29) The person that you want to tell everything to, but are to afraid to
Day 30) Your reflection in the mirror

The one's that keep you going

As military girls, we all know we have the moments where we want to tear our hair out, scream and sometimes just give up. But we keep on pushing because there's no possible way we could ever give up on the love we have for our military men. Thankfully, we all have those people in our lives who keep us from going ABSOLUTELY CRAZY; well, most of the time.

Whether its your family or some amazing friends, they're the kind of people you would trust with your life. In a way I'm grateful for my love being in the military, because I've met some amazing people, who I otherwise, never would have talked to.

Some of my best friends I can say, I have never even met. But they are my best friends because they have been there for me through every single day of this god awful deployment, and military relationship in general, when my real life friends have not been as much.

Your real life friends always have an excuse as to why they can't see you, or why they don't respond when you text them. My fellow army girls are there every second I need them, and don't ever think twice about offering me a shoulder to cry on, metaphorically of course since they're obviously hundreds of miles away lol.

You learn to open up your life to a total stranger, that you may or may not ever actually meet, and you thank god more times than you could possibly count, for bringing these people into your life.

Of course, you also can't forget the real life friends who do constantly make the effort to show you love and support. And I thank god every day for them as well. They don't try to understand, they just care.

Lastly there's your family, and his family. Even though they're crazy and sometimes you just want to kill them, they are the people who love you unconditionally. They are missing your military man too, so they kinda understand.

Just wanted to show a little love for every military girl, who loves and supports one another, while dealing with their own pain, lonliness and deployments. Some love and support to my amazing real life friends, and to our families.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

...he's off to the desert.

Afghanistan - where my heart currently resides.
Deployment - the reason my heart is in said country.
6997.4 miles - distance between my body and my heart
8 hours, 30 minutes - time difference between columbia and afghan.

If you think you know what missing someone feels like, send them to afghanistan and get back to me. I thought I had gotten used to missing daren, since he's been living in germany for the last 7 months, but HA, boy was I wrong. It's a different form of missing someone, because now my missing him is also coated with worry and anxiety.

It's been exactly one week since daren shipped out, and its just now hitting me how much the next 6 months are going to suck. The distance makes you think, and it makes me think about how much I miss life being easy. Before daren was in the army. Dont get me wrong, I love daren being in the army, there's nothing I love more than telling a stranger that the love of my life is a soldier and seeing their reaction (as long as its a good one, i hate the "oh, that must be tough, im sorry" ones).

So one week down, 51 to go.